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how spirituality made me f#*&ing sick // musings from down the rabbit hole


here it is.

my rant.

i am so damn tired of the bullshit out there faking spirituality and positivity, when all i see it doing is leading to more shame and suffering.

posts like the one above make me rage.

rage like the fires of hell are going to consume me.

i speak from my own experiences.

where these words strung together made me sicker and sicker.

if they work for you, that's great.

i'm glad they inspire you.

this rant isn't meant for you.

it is meant for those who read things like "i choose happiness because it's good for my health" and then feel so. much. shame. for not being able to choose happiness that day.

their anxiety taking them over.

their nasty voices telling them how terrible of a person they are.

that if they could just get their shit together, they could truly be happy.

and fun and rich and liked and unaffected and not give a fuck.

like the woman in this picture.

that it is their fault they are struggling.

if they could just think better thoughts, they could stop suffering.

depression stealing their joy and excitement and passion and motivation.

the spiral taking them down further and further.


"let the thoughts float on by..." she said from the front of the room.

in her tiny little body with her soothing voice.

calm and poised and peaceful.

as i tried to hold the pose.

and keep breathing.

and not fall over.

and omg why can't the voices just float on by.

what the hell is wrong with me that they stick.

they attack.

they are relentless.

i'm failing.

every day.

if i could just somehow control the shit in between my ears i could find my peace.

maybe if i did yoga every day like her.

if i lost weight and looked like her.

if i could stop attaching to my thoughts like her.

or attaching to anything for that matter.

then maybe i could find peace.

leave my suffering behind.

since they say suffering isn't real, i must be doing something wrong.


i'm still thinking.

stop thinking

stop thinking.

stop thinking!

i am so doing this wrong.

i need to try harder.

no wonder i'm anxious and depres